If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
