you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
