I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
