you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
