: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
