Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
