how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
