this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize