Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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