"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
