Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
