so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
