tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
