Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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