Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize