Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Randomize
