i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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