where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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