Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
