I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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