You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
