I think I died a long time ago.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize