Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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