that's an acceptable place to lick
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
