Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
