just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
