The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
