kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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