wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
