Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
