drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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