I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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