i need an iv and a liver transplant
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
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