You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
