Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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