I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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