hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
