If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
