it hurts more in the daytime
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
