I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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