duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
