He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
