In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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