"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
