I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize