i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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