Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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