she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize