i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
