I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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