omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
