Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I intend to get homeless drunk
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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