I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
