Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You pole danced in your parka.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
