If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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