i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
