Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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