if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
