who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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