I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
