you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
