just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
My ATM looks so different sober.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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