Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
