Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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