JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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