I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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