He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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