I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
