i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
