census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize