so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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