what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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