I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
