I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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