3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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