He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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