he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
