I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
