The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize