I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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