well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
