cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Randomize
